InstaFriday

1. I recently found a pair of overalls that were my FAVORITE when I was Jude's age (actually I was probably a couple of years older, because I was petite and he is huge). They were hand-me-downs from my next oldest cousin, who is a boy. I loved them then and now I love them on him!

2. When we visit Daddy at work (aka walk across the parking lot and go in the church), Jude's favorite thing to do is drink out of the water fountain.

3. I visited a little gift/antique shop in downtown Hodgenville the other day and couldn't help but giggle at this sign on the door. It says, "THIEF!! YOU ARE A LOW LIFE BEING!! THE BLACK CAT FIGURINE YOU STOLE (approx 12" with velvet like finish) BELONGED TO GRANDMOTHER. PLEASE BRING IT BACK. BY YOUR ACTIONS IT IS EVIDENT YOU ARE NOT A CHRISTIAN!"

4. My spice shelf in my kitchen is packed with spices. Anybody else have this problem? I need a better solution.

5. There are two big, fat reasons why I'll never have the crisp, beautiful all-white bedding that I love. At least I love old quilts just as much, and they are much better at hiding cat hair.

6. We went thrifting as a family in Glendale last Saturday. Jude was not a fan, if you can imagine. That made things somewhat difficult.

7. Any time our cats lay like this, we exclaim, "Oh no, it went belly-up!" And then we rub their bellies. Calvin loves belly rubs.

8. The other evening, a storm was blowing in just as the sun was setting, which I always think looks so cool. I took this as we were playing in the cemetery. Yes, we play in the cemetery. When you live in a parsonage without a whole lot of other play space (we have a big front yard, but until we get a fence around it, it's too close to the road to play in), you play in the cemetery.

9. The last existing Druther's in the world. I stumbled upon it driving around Campbellsville last week!

10. I'm loving the fields of goldenrod (our state flower) that are abundant right now.

11. I found a local farmer to buy farm-fresh eggs from, and he gave me a quart of freshly rendered lard and homemade lotion, too!

12. Jude's started crossing his legs when he sleeps in his carseat, and I love it.

13. It's spring! The flowers are blooming, we're finally getting to play outside most days, and Glenn (a trustee at our church and our handyman neighbor) is building us a front deck and helping our yard look pretty!

14. This boy's favorite place to play is the front porch of the church. He's funny.

15 & 16. It actually got up to 80 degrees the other morning, so we got our water hose out! Jude loved spraying the hose, and then I hooked it up to a cheap sprinkler I bought, and he really loved that (although he didn't love it when the sprinkler would change directions and start coming after him!

17. I'm so thankful that my boy loves piggyback rides and that I'm able to give them.

18. Most parents pack goldfish or fruit snacks or something with them when they're running errands and think their kid might get hungry. I packed a whole huge pork chop and he happily munched on it as we strolled through Home Depot, soliciting some funny looks from others.

InstaFriday

Inspired by a new (to me) blogger that I've started following, Meg Duerksen, I'm going to try to do a regular InstaFriday post, where I share some of my favorite pictures from Instagram from the week. It seems like an easy step back into regular blogging, right? She links her posts up to another blogger who I need to start following, Jeannette at Life Rearranged, and I think I'll give that a try.

This all sounds so non-committal, doesn't it? I hate being that way, but I'm trying not to set myself up for failure by just jumping in and being like, "BLOG ALL THE THINGS!" (Yes, I know that's probably overdone on the internets, but I love it and we say it around our house all the time about everything.)

Anyway, so here are some Instagrams from this week!

1. My dad, being silly

2. Jude in his Resurrection best a week late, because he was sick on Easter Sunday

3. My antique china cabinet that my mom and cousin refinished with my antique china that my Irene gave me a long time ago. It now finally has a home in my home instead of my mom and dad's home.

4. The new travel mug my mom gave me. I love it.

5. Our kitchen window looks into our attached garage, and I love being able to leave Jude in the car and open the windows when he falls asleep in the car!

6. Jude got some new (to him) VeggieTales friends this week.

7. The vintage Kentucky plate I found for Jude's Kentucky-themed bedroom.

8. Our black cat, Dinah, being weird and rubbing her face in my hair.

9. Having fun with my boy and some yard sale stickers!

A Trip to Holland

I know it's been a long time since I've blogged, and I hope to rectify that soon and update the blog about what all's been going on in our lives over the past... oh, year or so. But today, in honor of the beginning of Autism Awareness Month, I want to share a short essay that I read once at the beginning of our journey with Jude's autism. I still cry every single time I read it, and it's the single best thing I've ever found to help others understand the emotions of parenting a child who turns out to be something other than typical.

A Trip To Holland
By Emily Perl Kingsley

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability -- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

 When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans... the Coliseum, the Sistine Chapel, Gondolas. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After several months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go.

Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland!" "Holland?" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place. So, you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around. You begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. And Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, " Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that experience will never, ever, ever, go away. The loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland."

Love Letters: Part 3

This is part 3 of a series of letters that Josh and I wrote to each other during the semester before we got engaged. To start at the beginning, go to Part 1.

Because I included an old picture of Josh in the last post, he made me promise to use an old one of me in this one. So here I am with my friend Martha at Passion '05 in Nashville!

01-24-05
Josh, I got your letters mailed today! I’m so proud of myself! I learned that I can mail letters from Health Services, so it may take a day longer, but at least they’re getting out there.

I wish I had fancy schmancy-pants personalized stationery like you do… ;) I at least need to start writing with a pen ‘cause lead smears. I just keep forgetting to put one in my backpack. I’d wondered if it was going to be strictly a mail back and forth, 1:1 letter ratio kind of thing, but I don’t think it’s shaping up that way and I like that. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but basically I love getting letters from you.

Just to remind you, last night we had a convo on MSN about your confidence making me nervous, but I wanted to say again that you finally made me feel better about it. I am just so concerned about your heart. I hate the idea of you getting hurt because of me. And I know that you only view that chance as an opportunity for growth, but you have to understand that I still care about you and don’t want to bring you pain. I know you are praying for me and I appreciate that so much. I know that logically, being with you makes so much sense. You have such a heart for God and He is blessing you with wisdom, you care about me, you have been kept so pure which is absolutely precious to me and so rare these days, we want the same things… I’m just so no there, Josh. Maybe I say that too often, but I want to make sure I never lead you on or give you the wrong impression. Ugh… why do you have to make things so complicated for me??

I’m sorry… I’ll move on to something lighter. So in the mornings I’ve been listening to the Hope Harbor Show before work and lately he’s been talking about fear being a perverted form of faith. I’ve always been SUCH an extreme scaredy cat and I’m realizing that fear just comes from a lack of faith in God, and actually putting my faith in something else (like in the inevitability of evil). It’s been good for me and I’m learning a lot, but I’ve still got a while to go. Such very, very deep-seated fear is really hard to shake!

I know that you are praying for me and that means so much to me! Please let me know anything that I can specifically pray for you about. I beg God to protect your heart and to keep your focus on Him alone. I pray for wisdom and discernment for you and that you would be obedient to our Father.

Your sister,
Stacy Leigh Browning

January 26, 2005
Dear Stacy Leigh,
Up to now my letters have been mostly solemn and serious. I believe that all I have written has been good and perhaps even necessary; however, I fear that these may cause you to believe that upon coming to school, I have lost all light-heartedness, but this simply is not true. I am still very much my gay self (That’s right! I just described myself as gay!). To prove this to you I have set forth to write you a jolly letter reflecting my gaiety.

But first, I would like to discuss one matter of seriousness. I was utterly appalled at your disdain of my writing poetry. You seem to be victim to the 21st century stereotype that poetry is feminine. Yet, for millennia poetry has been a masculine art.

Is not Homer the father of poetry? And Shakespeare, a poet, is the most regarded figure in English literature ever to bring pen to paper, but you think yourself capable of declaring a male poet as odd and perhaps even sexually confused? Blasphemy!

Does not scripture itself accept poetry as a masculine art? Who can be said to be more of a man’s man than David, the shepherd, the giant-slayer, the renegade-warrior, the King even? But you, Stacy Leigh, would call David a pansy for playing the harp and writing poetic prayers! Would you reject the Psalms, even God’s living word, because of their emasculate author?

The space is not here to declare the greatness of the countless other male poets. The works of Cicero, John Donne, Lovelace, Marlowe, Byron, Longfellow, Poe, Frost, and the rest of the cloud of witnesses must speak for me here, and they do speak with endless words!

The poet,
Joshua Caleb Hutchens

P.S. I guess that less serious letter will just have to wait.

January 27, 2005
Dear Stacy Leigh,
I’m writing to you from class, Intro to Missions, which is great, but we’re just reviewing our reading and McClellan’s voice is soothing, lulling me to sleep. So, I’m actually paying more attention while writing you than I was before.

By the time you get this, I will have seen you again! Right now, I am boiling over with excitement. For me, it has been true that “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” and I have not received a letter from you yet. Who knows how much my heart will ache for you upon receiving one?

If your letters are delayed another day, I will write the US Postmaster complaining. He is on my radar and better watch out!

I have thought several times since I have been here that I wish I could just take you along with me everywhere I go. I wish I could take you to chapel and watch your reactions to the organ and the orchestra playing ancient hymns. I imagine myself looking at you and smiling during the good points of the sermon, or whispering to you irreverently about someone’s bad hair. A little odd, huh?

Well, I am odd. I am weird. You know that just as I know you are odd. That is one of the things I miss about you, all your oddities, but mostly I just miss you. That’s big. I miss you! Not merely companionship but your companionship. I miss you. This weekend is going to be good! I hope it comes quickly.

Missing you,
Joshua Caleb Hutchens

01-27-05
Joshua,
Here’s what I’ve decided is my problem – time management. I’ll have a couple of free hours here and there in late afternoon, but I usually waste them on the internet or doing something equally unproductive. I’ve really got to work on that. I’m in what my health 191 teacher would call “the contemplative stage.”

Speaking of class, my psychology class this morning absolutely fascinated me! We talked about neurons in the brain and how signals are transmitted and all the different chemicals in the brain that do certain things and I was just WOWED! It blows my mind to learn about how God puts our bodies together so they work like they do! I mean, it’s so detailed and precise… I really think He was showing off. I mean it’s just mind blowing! Who knew that I would be worshipping God in my psychology class this morning? It was great.

I’m excited about the time we’ll get to spend together this weekend! I wasn’t expecting to get to see you except at the Wildhorse. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of conversations on Friday (hey, that’s tomorrow!!), so there’s not really any sense in saying that much here, is there? You’ll be finding this letter in your mailbox long after you get back from this weekend.

Again, I apologize for the randomness of my letters. I’m finding that the only time I have to write (or at least the majority of it) is during my rec 101 class. Luckily for you, it’s not the hardest class in the league, so I can spare the brain power. ☺ Unfortunately for you, it’s not exactly the most focused brain on the block. You win some, you lose some I guess.

I would like to comment on the letters you write and let you know how much I appreciate them! I almost cried reading the one about you praying for me. I love seeing your heart for the Lord in each letter. You really don’t know how much I respect and admire your walk with Him! (And I know you’ll say not to, but quit being humble for a minute and let me pay you a compliment!)

I will see you tomorrow and I’m so excited!! Hopefully I’ll get this mailed this afternoon… I promise I really will try. ☺

In Him,
Stacy Leigh Browning

Love Letters: Part 2

This is part two of a series of letters that Josh and I wrote to each other during the semester before we got engaged. To start at the beginning, go to Part 1.

Josh, as he looked when we met in the fall of 2004. Love that hair.
Also, you can't really tell it, but he was all of about 120 pounds here.

January 19, 2004 (It was actually 2005)
Dear Stacy Leigh,
I hadn’t planned to write you two days in a row, but I am missing talking to you so much that I had to. I knew if I didn’t write then I would break down and call. I just hope that this letter is as encouraging to you as it is to me. I’ve read your letter probably a dozen times. I keep hoping that somehow you will just jump out of the page and talk to me. Crazy, huh?  

I wanted to talk to you about the comment you made on Slack’s xanga the other day. You asked the question, “Which is more deceitful, the security of being at home or the glamour of being far away?” 

First off, you never told me that you have thoughts of the mission field! You continue to amaze me! Got any other tricks up your sleeve? 

I don’t know if I’ve told you about this, but when I was first called to ministry, I thought it was a call to the foreign mission field. I had dreams of going to some unreached people group and laying down my life. My hero was Jim Elliot. I wanted to go to the middle east. That is why I did that independent study of Middle Eastern History in high school.  

I remember talking to my dad, telling him about my sense of call. Every time we talked on the subject, he would say to me, “Maybe God is calling you to be a pastor that will launch missionaries around the world?” I would brush it off everytime. The last thing I wanted to be was a pastor. I wanted to go to Egypt or Jordan, not Hardin, Kentucky.  

It was sometime this summer, I’m not sure when or how, but God changed all that. Now all I want is to be a pastor. Still, I want to do missions. I’ve thought about doing the journeyman program, but I don’t know what’s going to happen.  

I don’t know your story, but when I read that comment of yours I couldn’t avoid the shared ground we have. In all honesty, it scared me. You scare me. We are too much alike! We compliment each other too well. I know I act all confident and sure around you (for example, my last letter), but I get scared too. I get nervous about this risk I’m taking.  

Here’s a poem I wrote after we first started talking:
The Scarred Heart 
The pulsating jolts speed their rhythmic pattern
every time I am near her
in body, in sight, in sound or thought.
Each jolt initiates old wounds
which speak from the grave
about the confidences of their origin
and the foolishness of hope.
“But, what if? “What if?”
says the scarred heart.  

If I wasn’t invincible, I would really be concerned. Philippians 4:6-7, right? The peace of God shall guard my heart and mind.  

Truly yours,
Joshua Caleb Hutchens  

P.S. I never did give you copies of your tickets and some how they ended up here in Louisville. so, I’ve inclosed copies here for you. You will always be an offender to me. ☺ [Note: He was talking about speeding tickets. Yes, I once got two speeding tickets at the same time. It's a long story.]

January 20, 2005
Dear Stacy Leigh,
Yes, this is my third letter in three days. I really hadn’t planned on writing this much, but since classes are just starting, I still have a lot of freetime. Please, don’t feel pressure because of the frequency of my letters. By next week I’ll be busy again and won’t write as much, and I know how busy you are. Whatever letters I do receive will be more than enough for me.  

It was so, so, so wonderful talking to you on MSN last night. When you told me that you pray for me, I was nearly moved to tears, and I do not cry. I want you to know that when I say I pray for you, I am not just throwing out words, I mean it. I really do pray for you. 

Back in November, I was talking to Tyler about you over the phone. We ended that conversation that night by praying for each other. Tyler prayed for you also, and while he was doing that, God challenged me on something. 

Since even before that October 31st night that we went to Hardee’s and hung out at Kory’s house, I had been praying about you. I would ask God again and again for wisdom. I didn’t even want to begin to start anything with you if the Lord was not in it. I prayed over each and every phone conversation we had. I wanted so much to be wise in my every dealing with you, but that night on the phone with Tyler, God said, “Don’t just pray about Stacy Leigh. Pray for Stacy Leigh!”  

So, I listened. I ask God to do exactly what He longs to do, to meet you in your time of prayer and speak to you from the Scriptures. I tell Him to do the things I desire to do but cannot, to satisfy your every need, to heal your wounded heart, and to hold you tight to His chest. In Him, I want you to find your Beloved, your “One.”  

Then, if there is anything specific I remember you telling me about for that day, I pray for that. I pray for your ministry in AOII and then spend time interceding for your family. Only after praying these things for you do I pray about you, about our friendship and our future.  

If you’re ever up at 7, take comfort in knowing that you are being prayed for. Every morning around that time you can find me kneeling beside my bed talking with my Father on your behalf. You have nothing to fear, nothing to be anxious about. I promise you by the promise He has given me, there is no hunger, no circumstance, no thing in your life that is not already taken care of.  

Truly yours,
Joshua Caleb Hutchens 

 01-20-05
Joshua,
The girl beside me’s phone (is that good grammar? I couldn’t think of anything that sounds better…) just started playing low rider in the middle of class. Good times.

So I was just praying for you… thanking God that he’s made me a hard nut to crack for both of our sakes, asking him to protect your heart, to give me wisdom and discernment in the things I say and the way I act around you, begging Him to not allow our hearts to be divided and our focus to shift to the other instead of being on Him.

I hope school is going well this semester and God really makes you a light to your co-workers at Hollister. To me, workplace evangelism is one of the hardest and most terrifying things. I’m such a chicken when it comes to evangelism anyway. If you want to pray for me, pray for boldness! I have a class with a girl who’s really been on my heart. She’s really wild but absolutely precious and God has given me an unexplainable favor with her. Ack! I’m such a chicken! Please pray for me and her. I’m the same way with another friend. I love her so much and there’s nothing I want more than to see her come to Christ but I’m so TERRIFIED of… what? I’m afraid of doing it wrong, I guess. I know, I know, the Holy Spirit moves and God is sovereign, but I’m still so cautious. Sorry, I didn’t intend on throwing that all out on you.

The message last night about God trusting us as adult sons but us not trusting ourselves is so true for me. I’m so scared of doing it wrong. “It” being everything involved in the Christian life. Dang, self, you really need to trust the power of the Holy Spirit more!

Man, okay, new subject. Sorry, this letter may be more for me than it is for you.

I’m looking forward to getting your first letter! ☺ This is both exciting and really good for me. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. If nothing else, not talking on the phone will protect our hearts a little more and give us good practice in self-discipline. It will be good… I’m sure of it. ☺

Until next time,
Stacy Leigh Browning

Sunday, January 23, 2005
Dear Stacy Leigh Browning,
It is now Sunday afternoon, and since Crossroad Church has no morning services, I have spent the last several hours alone in a quiet, vacant dormitory. It has been a blessed morning, which found me before the Lord laying on my face in a pool of my own tears and snot. Later in Colossians I would read, “He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” Having read much on the doctrine of Election yesterday for Theology III, I am confronted at my utter nothingness and the miracle that is my desire for Christ.  

After eating a small lunch in my room, I continued reading in “Shadow of the Almighty.” It is the required text for a book review in Intro to Missions. I read the book last as a Sophmore in high school, and look to it with new excitement as now I am Jim’s age and am experiencing much of what he experienced. There are many similarities between his romance with Elisabeth and mine own with you, the Supremacy of Christ, the uncertainty, and even letter writing.  

Some take Jim and Elisabeth Elliot as the prototype for Christian romance to be duplicated in the lives of all Christian singles. That is both foolish and dangerous, but there is wisdom to be gleaned from the experience of others. I will never try to be Jim Elliot, making you my Elisabeth. I am Joshua Caleb Hutchens, and you are Stacy Leigh Browning. We have our own story to write. We need not turn to plagiarism to live our lives. Instead we turn to the Author of All, the one who guided Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, Jim and Elisabeth, and will no less guide me and you.  

What we do take from the Elliots is an example of complete surrender, wreckless abandon before God. Jim calls attention to the lines of a hymn: “If Thou shouldst call me to resign, What most I prize, it ne’er was mine, I only yield Thee what was Thine: Thy will be done!” I have made it no secret what treasure I see in your eyes, but the Treasure hidden in the field is Christ. Beside that Treasure, all other things appear as dirty, lying fiends worthy only of being despised and rejected. I believe that the treasure in your eyes is a portion of the Treasure of the field, but until it can be attained as such, it is of no value to me. Furthermore, if ever its identity be shown as not being part of the Treasure, but of being one of these lying fiends, I will not hesitate to throw it out with the other worthless things.
Yet, I trust God in the wisdom He gives every time I ask. This wisdom says that the light of your eyes and brightness of your smile is that Light of the Word which was in the beginning. If I pursue anyone, it is Him, and I pursue Him relentlessly, just as He pursued me.  

Truly yours Christ’s,
Joshua Caleb Hutchens  

P.S. I apologize for what may be an over-seriousness in this letter, but while this is not light-hearted, do know it is said in joy.

Continued in Part 3...

A More Fun Cuppa Joe

I've been doing this for a couple of days, and I'm loving it so much that I just had to share. This is an easy, fun way to make your morning cuppa joe feel like you spent big bucks on the fancy stuff.

Brew some joe, just like always.

Pour a little milk in the bottom of your coffee mug. I use the Kroger brand vanilla almond milk, and it's the only brand of almond milk that I've found to hold a good froth. Cow's milk will, of course, froth really well, too.

Nuke your milk in the microwave for about 30 seconds.

Add a spoonful of honey to your warm milk and stir it up. You can use sugar, but honey is really yummy and better for you.

Froth up your milk and honey. We have this frother that we bought at target years ago. They are cheap and fun, so why not?

Add your coffee. This basically makes a cappuccino, but with regular coffee instead of espresso, and with honey-flavored milk, which is amazing. A true Italian may turn his nose up at my coffee cappuccino, but I'm really loving this little bit of fun in the mornings!

Love Letters: Part 1

Some of our closest friends and family may know that during the semester between when we met and when we got engaged (Spring 2005), Josh and I wrote letters to each other. No, not emails, but real, hand-written, snail-mail letters. Josh even designed and printed his own letterhead and envelopes! Most of my letters were scrawled on notebook paper or scraps of paper from the Health Services office, where I worked as a receptionist.

In the interest of preserving our letters in case a fire or anything ever destroyed them, I decided to type them all up in a word document. While typing, I thought that they might make a fun blog series. So here you go, the first of a multi-part peek into our romance as it was first blossoming.

Our notebook full of letters.

One last thing before I share our first couple of letters... you should probably know a bit of our backstory. We met through mutual friends during the fall of 2004. Josh was in Louisville at Boyce College and I was at Murray State University, attending the church he grew up in, which is just down the road from his parents' home. Just before we met, I had ended a serious relationship, and I was in no mood to start another relationship any time soon (as you'll see from our letters). I clearly liked him, but tried to deny it and push him away. He wouldn't take no for an answer. Letters seemed like a good way to keep in touch without the emotional intimacy that comes with spending lots of time talking on the phone. Little did I know how impressive and persuasive Josh was with a pen. I'll let you learn the rest as we go.

11-30-04
Blank card with a kitten and puppy touching noses on the front. Josh wrote:
Umm… I think you’re beautiful, and I feel really warm when I’m around you, and… my tongue swells up. 

Joshua Caleb Hutchens
*Is it plagiarizing when you steal movie lines? 

1-17-05 Mon
Josh,
Well… here’s my first letter! It’s a little weird writing it right now because you haven’t even left yet, but here we go anyway. Hmm… I wonder if I even have any stamps here… I’ll probably have to go buy a big book of them.

I know I’ve said this before, but I just enjoy you and your friends so much! ☺ I’m glad y’all are my friends too now. Since we’re not going to be seeing each other very often, you have to be faithful to update your xanga. ☺ I promise I will too. It’s so funny to me because I can almost hear your soft-spoken voice when I read what you write. It really cracks me up. I know this is so painfully random and I apologize. This is just me trying to beat past that awkward this-is-my-first-letter-even-though-you-haven’t-even-left-town-yet thing.

It’s hard because I really would enjoy the comfort of just spending the afternoon with you and talking to you on the phone and all that jazz, but that is exactly the reason why I don’t need that right now! And I know you know this because we’ve talked about it… and I just want to say again how much I appreciate your patience and respect. It really means a lot to me and even if I don’t want to admit it, the things you’re not doing and saying right now are saying more than you could ever do or say. With that, I’m going to close. There’s so much that could be said, but after a while that dead horse starts to look pretty badly beaten.

I hope to hear from you soon,
Stacy Leigh Browning

January 18, 2004 (It was actually 2005)
Dear Stacy Leigh,
It’s barely been twelve hours since I’ve seen you last, but I’m already having Stacy Leigh Browning withdraws. I am being sorely tempted to just pick up the phone and call you. Yet, as you pointed out in your wonderful letter, that is not what you need right now, and it would be wrong for me also. How easily talking to you on the phone could become an idol to me? (At some point I may call you, but such an event will be rare and brief. You have my word on that.) 

It was just last night that we were at the Huddle House. I’d like to use the rest of this letter to elaborate on a conversation we had there. If you will remember, I said something about us now being two stubborn mules pulling in the same direction. To which you responded, “So have you given up? Have I won?” I then tried to explain in a very poor manner that you were mistaken. Now, though, with a clearer mind, I think I can better tell you my point. 

“… Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” Ephesians 5:25-27 ESV 

Here we see Christ’s self-sacrifice. He “gave himself up for her.” Why did he do this? “So that he might present her to himself in splendor.” I’m sure to some Christ’s self-sacrifice looked like he was giving in, like he was defeated. The White Witch and her evil forces rejoiced at the death of Aslan, but the next morning Aslan arose and delivered Narnia. In the same way, the death of Christ turned to a victory. How profound that the self-sacrifice of Christ was a purely selfish act? In it we see that in Christ’s love for himself he loved the church supremely, and in loving the church, he loves himself. 

I am very selfish. I want you, but I do not want you broken and empty. I want you in splendor, holy and without blemish. So what do I do? I sacrifice myself so that the Lord may be your healer and lover. That is what is best for you. Sound altruistic? Well, in doing what is best for you, I am doing what is best for me. (What an aweful trick?)
So, Stacy Leigh Browning, I have given in but that is not a defeat. My ultimate victory is upon you, and you did not even know it. These two mules are not pulling in opposite directions, but in one mule’s seeming concession, he is guiding the other unwittingly to where he wanted to go in the first place.  

A Stubborn mule,
Joshua Caleb Hutchens

01-18-04 (It was actually 2005)
Joshua,
I’m going to start writing this letter hoping to surprise you with a letter in the mailbox before you’re actually expecting anything. But again, no promises on when it’ll actually get mailed.

Classes haven’t been as bad as I expected so far… we’ll see how honors English goes tomorrow. I’ve had people I know in all of my classes so far (I have two classes with Annie Leigh), and I’m actually thinking about picking up one more class, Inclusive Rec. (it’s about including special needs people in rec), which would bump me up to 20 hours. The thought of taking 20 hours sounds painful, but I hear it’s really easy and I have a few friends in there and I’m feeling extra inspired for some reason. I guess that whole, “do everything for the glory of God” thing is becoming real to me. What Chris said that Wed. night about his Lambda Chi brothers telling him that they didn’t take him as seriously in ministry because he didn’t take his schoolwork very seriously… that really hit me pretty tough.

So, it’s two days later now. I’m sorry this is taking me so long to finish. I haven’t had time to turn around! You should see my bedroom – it’s really suffering! I’m actually in Psychology right now and she’s talking about the scientific method, so I’m half-listening. Did you know that girls have been scientifically proven to be better at multitasking than guys? My Social Studies teacher in high school used to get mad because we would pass notes the whole class and still be able to tell him everything he said.

Man, my psychology teacher is really intense/obnoxious. She seems like a pretty good teacher though so far so I’m not complaining.

I got to spend so much time with Katie yesterday and it was so great. We ate lunch together, then I picked her up after work and we worked out, went to church, and went to the Pi party together. I told her I felt like her friend again. ☺

I just realized that I’m getting two free meals today! Leslie’s buying me lunch at the Hi Burger for my belated birthday and then I’m going out to dinner with my sister and Noah tonight. There’s nothing that tastes better than a free meal when you’re as broke as I am.

Okay, I’m going to close just because it’s the bottom of this page, but I’ll probably start on another one the next chance I get. ☺

Have a great day!
Stacy Leigh Browning

Continued in Part 2...